Gratitude Not Grief
How Shifting From Grief to Gratitude Transformed My Life
In honor of “Thanksgiving” (another bogus holiday created to consume unnaturally in an effort to sustain capitalism and shift the narrative from White folks stealing from Indigenous people, but I digress and hope y’all enjoy turkey with your families), I wanted to write about something I’ve been grappling with for some time – how shifting from grief to gratitude has significantly transformed my life.
Grief doesn’t just come in the form death, but it could also be the loss of a job, place, relationship, change in your health, financial stability, miscarriage and even, retirement. And because the loss of our loved ones in the physical form can be the most challenging to digest, these other forms of grief often become overlooked.
For the past few years, I have been keeping a daily gratitude journal where I note ten small things that I am grateful for. This small change has positively impacted my life in moments of great despair as I’ve had to continuously grieve the loss of many loves.
I recently gained an angel by the name of Angela. She was my eldest Aunt and she had experienced over a year of health challenges, which caused her a great deal of pain and made her life far less enjoyable. She could hardly do things for herself anymore, and my Aunt was a resilient, fierce and sassy Capricorn who wouldn’t allow a doctor’s order to stand in the way of her independence. Still, she was forced to let go and accept the help of her sister (my mother), who’s the certified family nurse and caregiver of our family.
Watching my mom care for Aunt Angela and later mourn her brought me grave sadness but also put a spotlight on some of the other things I was grieving simultaneously. I have been feeling this nudge for yet another transition and transformation in my life, but I was avoiding it for so long. My Aunt’s transition coupled with life’s changes — like missing my nieces and nephew’s significant milestones, friend’s birthdays and business ventures, losing control of my financial goals —forced me to make a decision.
One of the main reasons I resisted this inevitable change was because I didn’t want to grapple with the “grief” that would come with it. If I decided to uproot my life and take another leap, I would be forced to leave behind the things I thought I needed, the places and spaces I built upon for the past five years, the dreams I had yet fulfilled.
With these feelings I knew that it was time to shift my perspective, or I’d otherwise continue to feel stuck while the world continued moving. So, my spirit spoke these words to me: Focus on gratitude rather than grief.
By focusing on gratitude, you’re signaling to God and the Universe that you are appreciative of the positive aspects in your life. When we express gratitude for the little things and show God that we can handle what She has already given us, God will reward us by gifting us our greatest desires.
In the bible, 1 Timothy 4:4 says, “For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving.”
When there’s a shift towards gratitude rather than grief, especially during difficult times like loss, it naturally provides you with a sense of grounding and resilience. Also acknowledging the pain of grief and accepting it, can aid in the healing process by allowing you to value what you still have instead of dwelling on what is “missing.”
The transformative power of gratitude can help heal our grief a little each day. Gratitude will improve our overall wellbeing and connect us to something larger than our little selves. Because let’s be honest: we are small pawns in a larger chessboard that is the universe.
In psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
People may feel and express gratitude in multiple ways:
1. Be Intentional With Your Emotions
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Practice grace, kindness and self-love often. You can journal or create a blog or even vlog as forms of expression. If you are struggling to find gratitude during a difficult time, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.
2. Maintain Social Connections
Social support is one of the most significant factors in grief recovery. It reminds you that even when life is hard, you are not alone. Set up a weekly call or get together with a close friend or family members. Make a conscious effort to communicate with someone every day. Whether by phone, email, or even a text message, it’s a good idea to maintain communication in some way that is meaningful for you.
3. Practice Mindful Movement Each Day
Taking the time to be active every day can help relieve the physical pain of grief. Mind-body activities (like yoga or tai chi) can be particularly helpful in relaxing the body and reversing the effects of stress and anxiety. Other forms of mindful movement include breath work, meditation (scroll down for a personal offering), taking a walk or hiking outdoors.
4. Eat, Rest & Repeat
Focus on a well-balanced diet. Eat foods that support and nourish your healing from the inside out. Rest so that you may feel the benefits. Try to limit your alcohol consumption and increase your water intake, so you feel replenished each day.
Grieving can be exhausting so these things will nurture you in more ways than one.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough. It transforms denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
The Benefits of Gratitude:
increased happiness and positive mood.
more satisfaction with life.
less materialistic.
less likely to experience burnout.
better physical health.
better sleep.
less fatigue.
lower levels of cellular inflammation.
If you have been following my social media, you know I am preparing to offer my first guided meditation, starting WED 12/13 at 9 AM ET on IG Live and FRI 12/15 at 9 AM ET on TIKTOK Live.
This is a completely FREE offering that I want to introduce to strengthen our practice, enlighten our community, help us release grief and shift us towards gratitude. That we may have breath in our bodies to intentionally breathe. That we may have a present mind to clear. That we may have an able body to nurture for just a few minutes each rich rising. The things we often take for granted.
I’m also hoping to show and prove that meditation doesn’t look one way. It’s not some holier than thou practice and literally we all deserve to take a beat for ourselves. Learn more about my journey to mindful meditation here.
Set a reminder to join me each week as we learn more mindful practices to become better versions of ourselves.
See you soon, wavy babies!
This post is dedicated to the angels we’ve gained. I love you Naomi, Henderson, Angela, Gemini, Cassius, and all the ancestors I never met in the physical. Thank you for guiding us exactly where we’re meant to be.
